Date published: 2/11/2012
Estelle R. Halberstein
Estelle Rose Halberstein, 86, of Alexandria, formerly of Fredericksburg, passed away at Inova Alexandria Hospital on Thursday, Feb. 9, 2012.
She was a member of Beth Sholom Temple.
She is survived by her three children, Vivian Brodsky of Passaic, N.J., Mark Halberstein of Framingham, Mass., and Dan Halberstein of Alexandria; sister Marlene Dover and brother Hershel Levinson, both of Liverpool, England; and three grandchildren, Lea, Yosef Hersh and Rivka Sarah.
A service will be held at 11 a.m. Sunday, Feb. 12, at Mullins and Thompson Funeral Service, Fredericksburg. Burial will follow in Oak Hill Cemetery.
Memorials may be made in her name to Beth Sholom Temple, Building Fund, 805 Lyons Blvd., Fredericksburg, Va. 22406.
Online condolences may be made at mullinsthompson fredericksburg.com.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Monday, Feb. 5, 2012
A thoroughly un-conversational day, today, on Mom's part. Yesterday she was not terribly talkative but a little more, and she had the chance to talk to Maxine and Marlene a bit.
A couple of people have had questions about the dental visit we'd thought about. We will continue to monitor whether she's feeling pain on this count, as best we can, but for right now, the visit is out. In the meantime, we are fortunate enough to have a dentist in the family as well - our thanks to Deborah in helping us think these things through.
For those of you who have been reading, I think it is time to stop the blog. Those who are reading tend to also talk either to us and/or to Estelle pretty often, so there's some duplication there. We'll continue to call around to friends and family when Mom's communicative and we're visiting, and we're grateful that family's supportive when we're thinking through her care.
All the best,
Dan
A couple of people have had questions about the dental visit we'd thought about. We will continue to monitor whether she's feeling pain on this count, as best we can, but for right now, the visit is out. In the meantime, we are fortunate enough to have a dentist in the family as well - our thanks to Deborah in helping us think these things through.
For those of you who have been reading, I think it is time to stop the blog. Those who are reading tend to also talk either to us and/or to Estelle pretty often, so there's some duplication there. We'll continue to call around to friends and family when Mom's communicative and we're visiting, and we're grateful that family's supportive when we're thinking through her care.
All the best,
Dan
Monday, January 23, 2012
Monday, 1/23/2011
Again - apologies for not posting more.
Things are kind of in a tizzy around here. Dan's work has suddenly increased three-fold, new assignments, old assignments and a host of newly acquired responsibilities and he's trying to cope with the new while keeping up with the old. There's not enough time in the week for him to do everything and write about it, too. I've been tied up and preoccupied with my own mother's problems somewhat. She somehow ran over her own foot with her wheelchair and broke a bone in her foot. She's got terribly deformed and painful feet to begin with and so this has turned into a disaster for her and her nurses.
Estelle is doing about the same. She's been mostly sleeping again lately and does not respond to our visits. She's still hitting herself while awake but, because she is mostly sleeping, the outward damage has been minimal. We have not called anyone or blogged anything because there is really nothing to say.
One of the nurses raised the possibility that she has a toothache or some mouth pain which is causing her to strike her face repeatedly. Unfortunately she cannot tell us if that is so. She did agree when asked but that's not always a reliable indicator of pain or pleasure.
The nurse asked if we could find a dentist willing to see her and I've spent the last 10 days trying to do so. Dental visits apparently cannot be done at bedside due to specialized equipment and needs and so it needs to be a dentist who is able and willing to see her in the office. Because she must be transported by ambulance and stretcher it becomes almost impossible to find someone capable of taking her as a patient. The majority of dental offices are just not set up or equipped to deal with the logistics of the transport or the exam of a nearly comatose patient. The fact that she will need to be completely sedated is an added responsibility. Not only do we need a space-specific office, we also need a dentist who either is or has a board-certified anesthesiologist.
I did finally manage to find a doctor which fit all the necessary criteria. He is certified both in general dentistry and is an anesthesiologist and, better and better, he is willing to see her. She has an appointment for Thursday, Jan. 26, but I am getting cold feet about taking her there myself so I think we are going to postpone the appointment until the week after next when Dan can take some time off to accompany us. I am just afraid that something will go wrong and I am too much of a coward to want to handle it alone. I do not have medical power of attorney and if, God forbid, something should happen with the sedation I am not sure what would be required. I am just worried that we will not be able to tell if she is waking up from it properly. There seems to be so much that can go wrong for a person in her condition. She cannot swallow and I worry about excessive saliva or bleeding from dental work. While she's at the office it's no problem, they have suction, and they have suction in the ambulance, too, but still I worry. I know that when my children had their wisdom teeth pulled under a general anesthetic it was important to keep them awake for several hours afterwards - with Estelle I am unsure how we will accomplish that if necessary. If she should need a tooth pulled I worry about how we will control the bleeding. You or I can keep a gauze pad over the extraction and change it as needed - but Estelle cannot - and the one thing which she fights horribly is having anyone try to do anything in her mouth. She has bitten several nurses as well as myself each time we've tried.
It just seems better if both of us can accompany her. Since she does not seem to be in horrible pain and we are not even sure if this is the problem waiting another week or so seems to be the most prudent course of action.
Besides, my theory, based on years of ambulance and ER work and a horribly superstitious Irish grandmother, is that whatever you plan for does not happen. Hence I am trying to cover all bases - thus thwarting the gods of unanticipation.
Hope all is well with everyone - and again. please forgive us our recent silences.
Things are kind of in a tizzy around here. Dan's work has suddenly increased three-fold, new assignments, old assignments and a host of newly acquired responsibilities and he's trying to cope with the new while keeping up with the old. There's not enough time in the week for him to do everything and write about it, too. I've been tied up and preoccupied with my own mother's problems somewhat. She somehow ran over her own foot with her wheelchair and broke a bone in her foot. She's got terribly deformed and painful feet to begin with and so this has turned into a disaster for her and her nurses.
Estelle is doing about the same. She's been mostly sleeping again lately and does not respond to our visits. She's still hitting herself while awake but, because she is mostly sleeping, the outward damage has been minimal. We have not called anyone or blogged anything because there is really nothing to say.
One of the nurses raised the possibility that she has a toothache or some mouth pain which is causing her to strike her face repeatedly. Unfortunately she cannot tell us if that is so. She did agree when asked but that's not always a reliable indicator of pain or pleasure.
The nurse asked if we could find a dentist willing to see her and I've spent the last 10 days trying to do so. Dental visits apparently cannot be done at bedside due to specialized equipment and needs and so it needs to be a dentist who is able and willing to see her in the office. Because she must be transported by ambulance and stretcher it becomes almost impossible to find someone capable of taking her as a patient. The majority of dental offices are just not set up or equipped to deal with the logistics of the transport or the exam of a nearly comatose patient. The fact that she will need to be completely sedated is an added responsibility. Not only do we need a space-specific office, we also need a dentist who either is or has a board-certified anesthesiologist.
I did finally manage to find a doctor which fit all the necessary criteria. He is certified both in general dentistry and is an anesthesiologist and, better and better, he is willing to see her. She has an appointment for Thursday, Jan. 26, but I am getting cold feet about taking her there myself so I think we are going to postpone the appointment until the week after next when Dan can take some time off to accompany us. I am just afraid that something will go wrong and I am too much of a coward to want to handle it alone. I do not have medical power of attorney and if, God forbid, something should happen with the sedation I am not sure what would be required. I am just worried that we will not be able to tell if she is waking up from it properly. There seems to be so much that can go wrong for a person in her condition. She cannot swallow and I worry about excessive saliva or bleeding from dental work. While she's at the office it's no problem, they have suction, and they have suction in the ambulance, too, but still I worry. I know that when my children had their wisdom teeth pulled under a general anesthetic it was important to keep them awake for several hours afterwards - with Estelle I am unsure how we will accomplish that if necessary. If she should need a tooth pulled I worry about how we will control the bleeding. You or I can keep a gauze pad over the extraction and change it as needed - but Estelle cannot - and the one thing which she fights horribly is having anyone try to do anything in her mouth. She has bitten several nurses as well as myself each time we've tried.
It just seems better if both of us can accompany her. Since she does not seem to be in horrible pain and we are not even sure if this is the problem waiting another week or so seems to be the most prudent course of action.
Besides, my theory, based on years of ambulance and ER work and a horribly superstitious Irish grandmother, is that whatever you plan for does not happen. Hence I am trying to cover all bases - thus thwarting the gods of unanticipation.
Hope all is well with everyone - and again. please forgive us our recent silences.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Sunday 1/15/12
Not much to report today. Estelle was asleep and didn't respond to attempts to wake her. I did stick around a while playing guitar, which her roommate Mabel said was just lovely, from behind the curtain. Then she asked me if I would turn out her bed-light -- so I was of some use. For Mom's part - I can certainly report that her sleep is sound and not at all fitful.
Dan
Dan
Monday, January 9, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Computer connection problems here. It may be awhile before we are back up and running.
Estelle is doing about the same. Saturday found her awake but very quiet and Sunday she did not wake up during Dan's visit at all. Because we cannot yet find a cure for her repeated hand movements and the bruising/skin openings/tube pulling that it is causing we are more apt to let her sleep when we find her that way.
Thanks to everyone who calls or writes and offers their love and support.
Hopefully we will get our computer issues worked out soon and we can blog in more detail.
Estelle is doing about the same. Saturday found her awake but very quiet and Sunday she did not wake up during Dan's visit at all. Because we cannot yet find a cure for her repeated hand movements and the bruising/skin openings/tube pulling that it is causing we are more apt to let her sleep when we find her that way.
Thanks to everyone who calls or writes and offers their love and support.
Hopefully we will get our computer issues worked out soon and we can blog in more detail.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
January 5, 2012
Oh cripes!! Another case of Dan thought I blogged and I thought he blogged and, turns out, neither of us blogged.
The New Year's weekend was uneventful. On Saturday, Estelle was put back on antibiotics due to a beginning cellulitis on her upper chest from rubbing it with her hand repeatedly. It does not look bad but better safe than sorry, I suppose.
Sunday and Monday's visits were pretty stressful for all of us. She was very talkative but also very agitated and, the more she tries to communicate, the more it becomes noticable that she is unable to complete her thoughts. She will start out speaking quite plainly but the end of each sentence is either unintelligible or is simply not spoken at all. Hence, we never know what she's talking about. She can begin any sentence quite easily - she just cannot finish it. It is all "I wonder if_________________," or "I want to_________________," or "What's happened to_____________," and we seldom know what she's referring to. We try to guess, to fill in the blanks, but it's frustrating for her and it's frustrating for us, too.
She was upset about her rings (we think) and wanted to know where they were and she wanted a safe to put them in. Dan has promised to bring her a small safe this weekend but I am unsure if she will remember why she wanted it - and, of course, she has no valuables with her so there is nothing to put in it, anyhow.
She is still hitting herself in the face and chest repeatedly whenever she is awake. They've increased her Zoloft, hoping it will stop the behaviour, but so far it does not seem to be working.
Dan sees an improvement in her communication skills. She is talking much more frequently, but, as I said, it's frustrating and hard for her. Dan understands her much better than I do which is a godsend to all of us. His patience is becoming legendary with both myself and the staff. When it becomes apparent to me that I am not going to be able to understand or guess what she is attempting to say, I am wont to change the subject or suggest that she try to rest - Dan, however, will patiently keep talking to her and guessing and offerng words until he finds the right ones.
Estelle did get to talk to sevral friends and family members by phone for the New Years and she was pleased by it. She also enjoys the cards and letters that people send her so thank you for all of those, too.
May the New Year be healthy and kind to us all.
The New Year's weekend was uneventful. On Saturday, Estelle was put back on antibiotics due to a beginning cellulitis on her upper chest from rubbing it with her hand repeatedly. It does not look bad but better safe than sorry, I suppose.
Sunday and Monday's visits were pretty stressful for all of us. She was very talkative but also very agitated and, the more she tries to communicate, the more it becomes noticable that she is unable to complete her thoughts. She will start out speaking quite plainly but the end of each sentence is either unintelligible or is simply not spoken at all. Hence, we never know what she's talking about. She can begin any sentence quite easily - she just cannot finish it. It is all "I wonder if_________________," or "I want to_________________," or "What's happened to_____________," and we seldom know what she's referring to. We try to guess, to fill in the blanks, but it's frustrating for her and it's frustrating for us, too.
She was upset about her rings (we think) and wanted to know where they were and she wanted a safe to put them in. Dan has promised to bring her a small safe this weekend but I am unsure if she will remember why she wanted it - and, of course, she has no valuables with her so there is nothing to put in it, anyhow.
She is still hitting herself in the face and chest repeatedly whenever she is awake. They've increased her Zoloft, hoping it will stop the behaviour, but so far it does not seem to be working.
Dan sees an improvement in her communication skills. She is talking much more frequently, but, as I said, it's frustrating and hard for her. Dan understands her much better than I do which is a godsend to all of us. His patience is becoming legendary with both myself and the staff. When it becomes apparent to me that I am not going to be able to understand or guess what she is attempting to say, I am wont to change the subject or suggest that she try to rest - Dan, however, will patiently keep talking to her and guessing and offerng words until he finds the right ones.
Estelle did get to talk to sevral friends and family members by phone for the New Years and she was pleased by it. She also enjoys the cards and letters that people send her so thank you for all of those, too.
May the New Year be healthy and kind to us all.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Mom was up in the geri chair when we came in, and we had a couple of hours of time with her. First, the medical - her cough isn't gone, but hasn't gotten any worse. She's on a 7-day course of antibiotics, so I guess this is to be expected. She's still compulsively moving her right hand. No big changes at present. On to the personal.
Once we got past the "how are you" sorts of questions, I was recounting what people have told us over the phone, and the basics of their lives as we know them. Mom answered a lot, but it is harder and harder to understand her. She also still gives half an answer and stops, so I play multiple choice with suggested ends of sentences. This is a very time-consuming way to hold a conversation, but we manage. This time, after she'd contributed perhaps a dozen lines of conversation in an hour, she flattered me with one very complete thought: "You've done a lot of research."
It became clear that throughout the exchange she did not know I was her son. So I spent the next half hour convincing her that I'm Dan.
Then we called around to friends/family again... after she talked to Vivien and Meryl, we connected with the English relatives. At that point Mom seemed to lose steam in mid-call.
So, I went back to the old standby - I hauled the guitar in.
She seemed both agitated and tired, so I played soft songs, with the hope she'd get some sleep. She did, and we left once she was soundly snoozing.
It's hard to measure her mental decline, because she'd been nearly incommunicado by the time she left New Jersey. Now she's willing to converse but less and less able. Perhaps back in NJ she wasn't able, because she had undiagnosed infections. Perhaps it was her response to "sometimes-visitors." I don't know.
I do know that she's still absent and present day-by-day. What is hard to measure is the degree to which her presence is an illusion of my own making. She's familiar with the idea that "Dan is a musician," so the music goes a much longer way to establishing my identity than talking for an hour.
All of us who've seen her since the stroke know she's not the Estelle we knew, and hasn't been since the day she went to the hospital. The various stages of decline seem to me like markers on a path away from us. On her better days, it's as if sometimes she turns around toward us and waves, but each time from a little bit greater distance. Sometimes she surprises us and comes back toward us a step or two. So what are we to do? I suppose follow he as far as we can, and continue to wave back at her, from whatever distance.
Please pardon my morose woolgathering this time, gentle reader. May the last hours of Hannukah, or "boxing day" for our Christian friends, treat you well.
Love,
Dan/Laura
Once we got past the "how are you" sorts of questions, I was recounting what people have told us over the phone, and the basics of their lives as we know them. Mom answered a lot, but it is harder and harder to understand her. She also still gives half an answer and stops, so I play multiple choice with suggested ends of sentences. This is a very time-consuming way to hold a conversation, but we manage. This time, after she'd contributed perhaps a dozen lines of conversation in an hour, she flattered me with one very complete thought: "You've done a lot of research."
It became clear that throughout the exchange she did not know I was her son. So I spent the next half hour convincing her that I'm Dan.
Then we called around to friends/family again... after she talked to Vivien and Meryl, we connected with the English relatives. At that point Mom seemed to lose steam in mid-call.
So, I went back to the old standby - I hauled the guitar in.
She seemed both agitated and tired, so I played soft songs, with the hope she'd get some sleep. She did, and we left once she was soundly snoozing.
It's hard to measure her mental decline, because she'd been nearly incommunicado by the time she left New Jersey. Now she's willing to converse but less and less able. Perhaps back in NJ she wasn't able, because she had undiagnosed infections. Perhaps it was her response to "sometimes-visitors." I don't know.
I do know that she's still absent and present day-by-day. What is hard to measure is the degree to which her presence is an illusion of my own making. She's familiar with the idea that "Dan is a musician," so the music goes a much longer way to establishing my identity than talking for an hour.
All of us who've seen her since the stroke know she's not the Estelle we knew, and hasn't been since the day she went to the hospital. The various stages of decline seem to me like markers on a path away from us. On her better days, it's as if sometimes she turns around toward us and waves, but each time from a little bit greater distance. Sometimes she surprises us and comes back toward us a step or two. So what are we to do? I suppose follow he as far as we can, and continue to wave back at her, from whatever distance.
Please pardon my morose woolgathering this time, gentle reader. May the last hours of Hannukah, or "boxing day" for our Christian friends, treat you well.
Love,
Dan/Laura
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