Happy April Fools Day to everyone. No need to play personal pranks, the weather's joke enough, I think.
Spent the morning with Estelle today. As always, there were things to laugh about and things to cry over. Visiting is such a mixed bag most days. Small milestones and small setbacks vie with one another for attention and it is easy to get lost in worry sometimes.
Today was Friday - which is shower day and, in the past, Estelle is usually worn out by the ordeal. Today, however, it was not an ordeal but a joy. She was awake and alert when I got there. The aides had just finished getting her back in bed and set up for the day. She is not opening her eyes again - which bothers me somewhat because for a few weeks here she was wide-eyed and focusing much of the time - but she was quite awake and talking a blue streak. She said she loved shower day and felt "very good." She even told me about the "contraption" they use to get her in and out of bed and when I asked her if she found it frightening she replied, "Not very, no."
She wanted to know if I had a jacket and if she had a jacket because she was going to need it if she wanted to "get out of here," but then she immediately told me that she could not yet "get out of here," because she could not walk and she must learn how to do that before she could leave. She told me that there was "a lot of trouble here," and that she was sorry for it but it "was not her fault." We talked some about strokes and what happens afterwards and she seems to be understanding better what has happened to her.
There was a good deal of conversation which I simply could not understand. I always feel so bad when I cannot make out what she is saying, if it is frustrating for me I can only imagine what it is like for her. At one point, after saying, "I'm sorry, I did not understand - what did you say?" for the 27th time I said, "I just don't hear very well anymore. My ears are not as good as they used to be," which she replied to with, "You hear fine you are just not paying attention." I did not know whether to laugh or to cry - it's just such a mother-like thing to say.
In fitting with the day, she did give me a good scare, though. Like I've said, she was talking a mile a minute today and somewhere in the middle of it all she began coughing. The coughing led to minor choking and I, completely forgetting anything medical I might know, freaked out. Because she cannot sit foreward and because she cannot clear her own throat or swallow she is, much more than the rest of us, susceptable to aspirating. I lifted her head and I cleared her airway as best I could and then went running for her nurse. He came into the room immediately and checked her oxygen level and listened to her breath sounds. He said she was a bit congested but not badly and it was all upper airway and not chest which was a bit ragged sounding. He gave her a breathing treatment and it seemed to help. He is going to look in on her frequently today and leave word for the afternoon shift to do the same. She did not have a repeat episode while I was there so it may just be that all that talking loosened up some phlegm or irritated her throat. I am just reminded of how fragile she really is and how many things there are to worry about sometimes.
I spoke to the social worker again and got the reports from Physical and Occupational Therapy. PT does not feel that they can work with her as of the present time because she would not really talk to them and she was unable to follow even simple commands. They said it would be unsafe to attempt taking her to their department. Exasperated, I asked if they could at least do the passive bedside exercises that were being done at The Manor and the social worker said she would ask them to write an order for that to be done. Dan and I will keep check to make sure they have done so and are doing so. I also asked about the hand splits since no one had gotten back to me about them and the social worker said she did not know. I asked her to call and ask them and she said she would but then came back a few minutes later and told me that OT left an order on March 30th for her hand splints to be worn 4 hours on and 2 hours off during the day shift but left off at night. I am glad someone has addressed that but I am angry that no one seems to be doing what the order said. They seem to be leaving them on all the time from what we can tell and I doubt that's very comfortable or even very good for her mobility. What good is straightening out your fingers if you are then left unable to ever curl them as well? Anyhow, I told her to please make sure that the order was brought to the nurse's attention and we will keep an eye on that as well. (I have to watch myself, I get annoyed too easily, I think - they will end up hating me for being so picky/bossy/irritating.)
Estelle did manage to pull me out of my (probable unreasonable) funk, however, God love her!! I told her I had to be going soon and she asked me what my destination was. (Her words, not mine.) I told her I was going home to do laundry and she asked me where I lived. I told her I lived in Alexandria, Virginia, just blocks away from her and she said, "Oh, that's lovely. I have a son who lives there, too. Do you know him?" I said, "Yes, of course. I am Laura, Danny's wife," at which point she gave a huge grin and said, very loudly and very clearly, "Oh, that's delightful!! Congratulations!!" I thanked her and she said, "No, thank you. I am so happy. This will do wonders for your reputation, you know!"
When I left we were both smiling. Albeit for different reasons, I am sure, but what difference does it make? A smile is a smile is a smile.
May everyone else be smiling, too!! Have a good Shabbat and a happy weekend.
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